


sandalphon has two hands

by magumarashi



Series: GBF Headcanons [10]
Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Polyamory, Sandalphon has PTSD, it's mostly fluff i promise really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 00:56:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19842172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magumarashi/pseuds/magumarashi
Summary: In the year since losing Lucifer, Sandalphon's sleep is plagued by nightmares of that awful scene in Canaan. But after the final battle at Etemenanki, the new Supreme Primarch finds he's able to sleep soundly once more...





	sandalphon has two hands

**Author's Note:**

> broke: sandalphon will only ever love lucifer  
> woke: sandalphon has two hands, one to hold lucifer and one to hold djeeta
> 
> The first couple of cw tags are for the first third or so of the fic. If you've played through Paradise Lost and watched the cutscene for the Avatar M2 raid, I can promise that nothing in this fic is more graphic than anything shown in the game.
> 
> This is technically contiguous with my other sandjeeta fics (minus the one that accidentally isnt canon compliant anymore lmao)

For the first year after losing Lucifer, Sandalphon dreamed about that awful day each night.

At first he got in the habit of staying awake as long as he was able, to put off having to relive that moment one more time. Primal Beasts could go far longer without sleep than skydwellers, after all, and with the aid of coffee, he could get away with sleeping about once a week. This went on only until the captain noticed the sleep deprivation was starting to affect his performance, and she urged him to get back on a regular schedule. Though he resented her for it (he doubted she would be so insistent if she knew what he was going through), it meant something to hear that she cared about his wellbeing. 

So, to humor her, he slept. The nightmares continued.

After a while he grew accustomed to those grisly scenes—resigned in the way one does to a horror that becomes routine. Before long, he could recite Lucifer’s final words from memory. Was this part of grief, he wondered? Becoming so numb to his own pain that it barely even fazed him anymore? Having to catch himself before making dark jokes at his own expense in front of others, lest they worry about him and ask why he would say something like that? He dreaded having to explain. Having to bare his anxiety and trauma to someone else. To make himself so vulnerable… 

Naturally, though, the captain found her way in. She had a way of working open his shell, getting him to admit things he normally never would. As they grew closer—as their uneasy alliance sprouted into an intimate friendship, and then blossomed into something more—he began to open up of his own accord. To let her hold him, sometimes, when he sorely needed the comfort. 

The first time they slept in the same bed together, she was with him in his dreams. Watching as he took Lucifer’s decapitated head in his arms once more (he’d lost count of how many times). He remembered that she’d been in the room with him that day, but this was the first time his nightmares had replicated that detail in such uncanny clarity. The next morning he woke up as numb as ever—with Djeeta in his arms, in tears. 

“I had no idea,” she whispered, over and over. “You were suffering this much, all this time… I’m so sorry, I didn’t know—!”

It was immediately apparent what had happened, even if the logistics were beyond his comprehension. She’d seen everything. Every last grotesque detail, all the kaleidoscopic variations of Lucifer’s death played over and over like a broken record. He was accustomed to the the relentless trauma of reliving his beloved’s last moments, but he still had some sense of what she must be going through, seeing all of that anew… 

“It’s alright,” he responded. It wasn’t, not really, but he didn’t want her to feel as though she was at fault somehow. He brought her closer, running his fingers through her hair. “I’m used to it by now…”

“It’s _not_ alright!” Djeeta insisted, voice muffled slightly. “Having dreams like this every night isn’t normal. You shouldn’t have to suffer like this…”

“No, it’s…” he paused. It _was_ normal by now, for him. He’d had time to think about the whys. “If this is a punishment for what I’ve done, then—!”

“You don’t deserve this,” said Djeeta, quietly. “No one does.”

It was times like these that her attitude truly infuriated him. How could she tell him he doesn’t deserve to suffer, when it wasn’t so long ago that he’d tried to bring the heavens down? That he’d thrown her off a cliff, even?

“Even after I was so awful to you… to everyone?”

“But you’re not so awful anymore, right?” said Djeeta. “You’ve changed. You’re doing your best to be better, even if you don’t want to admit it.”

“Nonsense… this is just temporary…”

“Would you _really_ have let me sleep in your bed if you were still the same awful person you were before?”

She was right, and he knew it. He sighed in frustration: after all his efforts to keep her at arm’s length, throwing up wall after defensive wall, she still knew exactly where the openings were. He hated that about her sometimes.

Djeeta smiled to herself, knowing his silence meant he couldn’t say anything back to her.

“You deserve better than this,” she said. “A good night’s sleep, at the very least.”

Sandalphon grimaced, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. No one had ever said anything like that to him before—that he _deserved_ anything more. His core swelled with an unfamiliar hum. 

“Singularity… you are truly beyond my comprehension.”

“Mm-hm.” She giggled at this, nuzzling closer to him. “Listen… I care about you, Sandalphon. I can’t just stand by and let you suffer like this. So… you can tell me if something’s bothering you, alright? No matter what it is. I’m here for you.”

He frowned.

“I know you mean well, Singularity, but I don’t think this is something you’ll be able to fix.”

“I never said anything about fixing,” Djeeta replied. “Sometimes, you might need someone to just listen. And I’m more than willing to be that someone for you.”

“I… thank you,” said Sandalphon, softly. “Alright, then… I’ll try…”

Djeeta wrapped her arms around him, and he gratefully returned the gesture. He couldn’t say why, but it was comforting, somehow, to have her there next to him. To feel the warmth of her skin on his. He’d never been this intimately close with someone before, not even Lucifer. As he held onto her, he felt a sort of spark in his core. An ache, where only nothingness had been before.

_“You deserve better than this.”_

It didn’t change what he saw each night, but it gave him something to ground him come morning.

  
※

After the final battle at Etemenanki, Sandalphon found that his nightmares finally abated. He was able to sleep soundly each night, without interruption—for the most part, he didn’t even experience dreams at all. But every so often, he’d dream of a little shaded garden where the sunlight filtered through the trees. A table set for two. A warm cup of freshly-brewed coffee. A familiar smiling face.

Lucifer was there, waiting for him.

The first time it happened, Sandalphon was awash with anxiety. He spent the whole dream waiting for something to go horribly wrong; for some unseen blade to make its grisly kill. But it never came. He and Lucifer passed the entire dream in light conversation, sharing coffees and idling the time away. As morning approached he was able to say goodbye to Lucifer one more time, and awoke safely back in his bed on the Grandcypher.

He continued having dreams like this every so often—sometimes twice in a week, sometimes once every few weeks. Each time, Lucifer was waiting for him, eager to hear what he’d been up to since their last chat. Sandalphon always filled him in, with as much detail as he could manage: the adventures he’d had with the crew, books he’d been reading, even just things he’d been thinking about lately. Lucifer listened to all of it, asking questions here and there. He even seemed to have some continual awareness from dream to dream, bringing up people or topics that Sandalphon had mentioned previously.

Perhaps it was just a figment of his imagination, the machinations of his sleeping brain. But if he could believe he was really spending time with Lucifer again, even if it wasn’t real… 

No, he knew better than that, of course. He always woke from each dream just as he was beginning to wish they’d last forever, but he knew it was a selfish wish. He had a purpose now, people who cared about him, and a place to belong. He doubted Lucifer would want him to toss that all aside for his sake.

It was long time before he was ready to tell Lucifer about his involvement with Djeeta. He’d always sort of brushed over it in conversation, out of fear that Lucifer would be angry at him for getting intimate with someone else. But, when Sandalphon finally did admit to it, Lucifer only smiled that perfect smile of his.

“Oh, I already knew,” he said warmly.

“I’m really sorry, I know you’ve been waiting for me all this time, and I—wait,” Sandalphon finally parsed what Lucifer had said, “What?”

“I already knew about you and Djeeta,” Lucifer repeated. “I know you were trying to keep it a secret from me, but it’s been obvious for some time now. Your eyes always light up when you talk about her.”

“Oh…” Sandalphon looked at his feet, bashfully. “Lucifer, I… I’m sorry…”

“Don’t apologize.” Lucifer’s smile was unwavering. “You’re in love, Sandalphon. What is there to be ashamed of?”

“W-well…” Sandalphon fidgeted a little with his belt. “I just… didn’t want you to feel like I’m replacing you with someone else. Nobody could be what you were, to me.”

“Of course not,” said Lucifer. “But that doesn’t mean nobody else is allowed to be close to you.”

“Lucifer…” Sandalphon looked up at this. “You aren’t angry with me?”

“Why would I be angry?” Lucifer tilted his head. “Quite the reverse. I am happy that you have someone who can take care of you. Nothing would pain me more than seeing you alone and bitter again, after everything that’s happened…”

“Ah…” Sandalphon breathed a self-deprecating laugh. He should have known Lucifer would feel this way—he’d always been like this. Sandalphon didn’t know if Lucifer even had it in him to be angry. “I see…”

“So long as she makes you happy, that will be enough,” said Lucifer. He sipped from his coffee, then looked up again, meeting Sandalphon’s gaze over the edge of the cup. “And she _does_ make you happy, yes?”

Sandalphon smiled, bashfully—because the answer was _of course she does_. She’d been his harbor in the storm of grief; she brought joy back to his life after two thousand years spent wallowing in bitterness. She always went the extra mile to ensure that he felt included, needed, loved. Whenever he was with her, he felt at ease, even in the thick of battle.

In Djeeta, he’d found solace.

“Yes,” he said, finally; hesitating not because he wasn’t sure, but because he couldn’t quite express just how much she meant to him in words. “She does… Very much so.”

“Good,” said Lucifer, nodding. “Then I’m satisfied.”

 _Are you?_ Sandalphon found himself thinking. Old habits die hard. _Even you must be capable of envy. Are you really satisfied with the way things are? Or are you just telling me you’re satisfied so I won’t worry…_

But even so, the shaded garden began to blur. Morning was fast approaching, and his train of thought soon faded away to nothingness… 

※

As Sandalphon and Djeeta grew closer, the number of nights they went to bed together increased in tandem. Before long, he started having trouble sleeping through the night without her: her presence grounded him in ways he didn’t know he needed. As a side effect, occasionally she came to join him in that shaded garden, with Lucifer pouring coffee into a third cup for her.

Sandalphon was nervous about having her there at first—about as nervous as would be expected, seeing one’s current partner talking to an old flame. But Lucifer welcomed her company, warm as ever. If there was any animosity, he didn’t show it.

Sandalphon knew that Djeeta and Lucifer had been friendly while he was alive: Djeeta had explained this to him one night, as they both tried to process their grief after Canaan. In the year following the Calamities, she and Lucifer had been in touch. They’d only met a few times, but Sandalphon could tell that Lucifer held her in high regard, and she him. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it, but somehow, it set his heart at ease to see the two of them chatting as friends.

For the most part, Djeeta woke from these shared dreams earlier than he did. More often than not, Sandalphon was able to have some alone time with Lucifer before morning’s pull brought him back to his bed. He was secretly grateful for this: much as he loved being able to spend time together with both his solace and his guiding light, sometimes, there were things that he only wanted Lucifer to hear.

Once, though, it was Sandalphon who woke first, his form fading from the garden with little warning. Conversation came to a stop as the remaining parties watched him go. For a few minutes, there was silence—save only for the soft rustle of a breeze in the trees, and the occasional trill of birds among the branches.

Lucifer’s sky-blue eyes turned to her, his smile as gentle as ever.

“It seems morning is approaching,” he said, just a hint of sadness in his voice.

“Um, should I…?” Djeeta began. “I should probably go too…”

“Ah… I was hoping you would stay for just a little longer,” said Lucifer. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you, but could never find the right time with Sandalphon here. Do you mind?”

“Oh… okay, then,” said Djeeta with an awkward smile. “I don’t mind. What’s up, Lucifer?”

“I wanted… to give you my thanks,” said Lucifer, eyes cast downward. “You’ve been taking such good care of Sandalphon in my stead… I knew you were the right person to ask.”

“Oh, right,” said Djeeta. She remembered what she’d heard that day in Canaan, the weakened voice whispering one final wish: _Take care of Sandalphon._

Honestly, she would have reached out to him even if Lucifer hadn’t asked her to. Despite the destruction, the cruelty, and even the attempt to kill her personally—at the end of it all she’d been left wondering whether a softer, kinder Sandalphon wasn’t buried somewhere in his closed-off heart. She couldn’t _not_ feel drawn to him, probably against her better judgment. If there was anything she could do to help him, to get through to him, she would have moved the skies themselves. 

Lucifer knew the Sandalphon that once had been, and he’d trusted Djeeta to guide the embittered primarch back to the right path. Lucifer’s last request gave her the resolve to keep trying whenever Sandalphon’s prickliness started to get under her skin. 

In the end… his friendship, his love, had been well worth the trouble.

“I’m glad I could help,” she added, finally. She looked down at her hands, smiling bashfully. “He really just needs someone to care for him, huh…”

“Mm-hm. He can be quite a handful,” said Lucifer with a playful laugh. “But I’m glad he has you, Djeeta.”

“Thank you…” Djeeta tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, a little embarrassed to hear the former Supreme Primarch’s praise. “That really means a lot, coming from you.”

“Of course,” said Lucifer. He looked down, his smile fading a little. “Though, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little envious… It can be hard, sometimes, having to watch the person you love from afar.”

“Yeah…” Somehow, she’d known that was coming. She fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat.

“Ah—please don’t tell him I said that.” Lucifer put a finger to his lips apologetically. “I don’t want him to feel like he has to reserve his affections for me. After everything you’ve done for him… I’m sorry, perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, it’s fine.” Djeeta looked up at him with a smile. “I won’t tell him. Thanks for being honest with me, Lucifer.” 

“Of course.” Lucifer brightened. “It's been difficult, surely, but… I've come to accept that the person looking after him doesn't have to be me anymore. I’m fortunate to be able to speak with him like this, and he has you taking care of him where I cannot. So long as Sandalphon is happy… that will be enough.”

“Alright,” said Djeeta. She pumped her fist. “Then I’ll do my best to make sure he’s the happiest man alive.”

Lucifer couldn’t help laughing at this, lightly: it was the kind of sound that gave angels wings.

“Good. And I’ll be watching over you both.”

※

Sunlight streamed in through the sheer curtains over Djeeta’s cabin window. Sandalphon looked on as she stirred in his arms, rousing from the dream they’d both shared. It took her a little while to wake up, slowly taking stock of her surroundings. Sandalphon watched her quietly, thinking to himself that few things were more beautiful than a lover’s face first thing in the morning.

“Sandalphon…?” Djeeta murmured. “How long have you been up…?”

“A little while,” he responded. “Sorry to have left you in the middle of a conversation…”

“Oh, it was fine.” Djeeta smiled up at him. “It was good to have a one-on-one talk with him.”

“Mm.” Sandalphon pulled her a little closer. “That much, I can understand.”

Whether the dreams were a true connection to the other side, or just some quirk of the Supreme Primarch’s power, neither was certain. Perhaps it was a bit of both. But the two of them had quietly agreed that they were real _enough_. It was comforting, at least, to think that the Lucifer they saw in their dreams really was watching over them from the world beyond. 

In tranquil moments like these, with Djeeta close to him and Lucifer on his mind, Sandalphon couldn’t help but reflect on this turn of events. To think that just over two years ago, he’d hated both of them more deeply than anything: Lucifer for his lack of empathy, Djeeta for bringing his careful plans to ruin. But with Lucifer’s unyielding grace and Djeeta’s unrelenting kindness, he had been able to transform that hatred into a love that burned brighter than the stars… 

Djeeta caught him smiling to himself, absently.

“Hm? What’s that look for?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Sandalphon replied, turning his gaze to her. “Just basking in my good fortune for a moment, that’s all.”

Djeeta returned his smile with a grin of her own.

“You looked so handsome just now.”

“Did I?”

“Yeah. You’re handsome all the time, though.”

“Oh, stop.”

He couldn’t have dreamed of a life like this before. Of friendly banter with his partner, passing a lazy morning in someone’s arms. Of knowing that the person by his side is there because they _want_ to be—that there could be nowhere else they’d rather be. It made his core swell to think about it.

_I spent two thousand years wallowing in my bitterness, blind to things that are truly important in this world._

_Lucifer… and for her sake, too…_

_I won’t waste a single second of the future you’ve both given me._

**Author's Note:**

> it feels so good to actually finish a fic for once holy bees (esp considering i've had the idea for this one since... march? since march)
> 
> anyway thank yall for reading, and if you liked this one, i've got like 6 more sandjeeta fics where this came from lmao


End file.
